By Chris J Thompson

For most parents, toddler behavior is a major issue at some point.  The “Terrible Twos” can often be just the beginning.  In this article I’d like to explain to you what I believe is the root cause of most behavior problems and how you can avoid such problems in your household.

Between about 18 month and 24 months, most children start to speak many words, but they understand much more than they can speak.  They know what they want, but they can’t express themselves with words very well.  When parents don’t respond as per the toddler’s unspoken wishes, the result can be a temper tantrum.  It’s a totally normal result, we all go through it, but it is something that you can learn to deal with to dramatically reduce these problems in your home.

The most important aspect of dealing with the terrible twos is communication.  Specifically, make sure that you are listening to your child.  If you don’t understand what he or she wants, simply pick up your child and say “show me”.  About half the time a tantrum is the result of your child wanting something and not getting it.  You might just not understand what your child wants and never thought to ask. Saying “show me” is an easy way to ask.  The other half of the time you ill have to deny your child something.

Perhaps little Sammy wants to play with your fine China.  Naturally, you wont’ let him.  But instead of saying “no”, I want to really encourage you to simply apply some distraction techniques.  When kids are 2 years old, they do not have strong attention spans.  So if your child wants something and you are about to say “no”, stop yourself.  Think about this instead:  Is your toddler old enough to actually understand the logic behind your answer?  Of course not!  So use distraction instead of logic.  Logic and 2-year-olds do not mix.  Stop wasting your time.

In summary, most toddler behavior issues can be solved by two things.  First, better listening by the parent.  If you listen instead of talk, you’ll get more information and be better equipped to solve your toddler’s problem.  Second, understand that logic is not your friend when it comes to the terrible twos. Logic isn’t going to really be useful to you until your child is about 4 years old, in my experience.  Instead of saying “no” to your children and attempting to explain why, just ignore the request completely and apply a much more appealing distraction.

Here is one distraction that I like to use:  If my daughter is trying to get her hands on something that I’d rather she left alone, I will often be successful by picking her up and applying several distractions to overwhelm her and cause her to forget what she was doing.  First, I’ll speak to her in a playful voice.  Then, I’ll tickle her.  Third, I’ll pick her up and carry her over to a window and mention something about the outside such as “Hey, do you see that furry squirrel on that tree”?  Then, I just plop her down in front of some other toys that she is allowed to play with.

When your children get to be a bit older, this simple distraction method may not work as well.  Luckily there are all kinds of language tricks that you can use to influence your kids to do what you want them to do.

To learn more about the language skills that will help you learn how to deal with toddlers check out my audio course “Talking to Toddlers” at http://TalkingToToddlers.com and make sure to sign up for the free audio lesson. Learn these tools. Reduce your parenting stress.

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By Gail Woods

For a parent, toddler behavior can be quite traumatic. It can also be a lot of fun.

From the moment your toddler takes his first steps and utters his first words, it would appear as if a catastrophe in human form has been unleashed.

Undaunted he will drag heavy chairs around and climb them to get at those high cupboards where the poisons are stored. Holes will be plugged with little fingers. If an object can be shoved into his mouth to be tasted and chewed, then in it goes. Drawers and cupboards will be emptied and refilled over and over again. Food will be squished and spread everywhere with great delight.

Try stopping him from investigating his little world and he will scream blue murder. When his food or juice is not ready at just the moment he decides he is hungry or thirsty then he will whine until you are ready to throw him out with the rubbish.

Forget trying to get him to share a toy (or anything else for that matter) with another child or sibling. As far as he is concerned it is just not going to happen.

Sounds awful doesn’t it? Actually, it needn’t be all that bad. Try looking at the problem from your toddlers perspective.

There he is and there are all those wonderful and exciting things everywhere around him. He needs to discover. He needs to experiment. But, he can’t speak adequately so he can’t ask. He is unable to understand you properly when you talk to him. He is however a great mimic. Good and bad toddler behavior depends a lot on you. If he sees you doing something, or hears you say something, then sooner or later he will try to do or say it as well.

You plug in the vacuum cleaner, or take tablets, or smear cream on your face or use a swear word – so why can’t he?

You need to constantly divert his attention away from what you are doing – so that he does not try to do it as well.

When you are cooking, how about giving him a little bowl of bread mixed with water or milk to stir with a spoon or squish with his fingers. Sure he will gleefully make a mess, but he won’t be trying to drag that boiling pot off the stove to see what is in it.

Need to clean windows? Wonderful! A small bucket of soapy water with a little bit of vinegar plus a pair of cotton socks (one sock on each hand) and he can wash the bottom of the windows while you work down from the top. At the same time chat or sing to him.

He will be having so much fun, that he is unlikely to wander off and get into mischief and you can get that much needed job done in record time.

How do you cope with his sudden decision that he wants to eat or drink – right now! Try putting a low plastic table in a corner somewhere that is just for him. Make sure there is always a bottle or sippy cup of juice or water available for him to take whenever he wants or needs it. You might even add a small plate of healthy finger foods from time to time.

Come dinner time tonight, dish up an extra plate of food in a plastic plate, cover and freeze for future use – so that if you are caught short and his food is not ready in time then you can whip out one of the frozen meals and warm it up in just a few minutes. He doesn’t have long to wait and you don’t have to put up with a half hour of screaming and whining.

Of course he is going to yell NO! When he doesn’t want to do something, (besides he no doubt hears you use the word often enough) but consider this … he is also learning to say no to his peers in years to come when they try to persuade him to do something that SHOULDN’T be done.

Try to avoid using the word “no” whenever possible. Find an alternative and explanatory word such as “danger” when he is about to stick his finger in the electrical socket, or you catch him with a sharp object. He will soon cotton on.

When toddler behavior threatens to drive you to madness, all you need to do is find interesting ways to divert his attention and allow him to investigate, explore and experience his world.

To learn more about dealing with temper tantrums, teaching your toddler to share and even teaching him how to do chores willingly, as well as dealing with other behavior problems in children click on the link below.

http://toddlerbehavior.parentingupdate.com/wordpress/

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Cody has a strange habit recently (at 17 months old).

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Timed dinner, beat the clock game(training) she lost Toddler responded with standard tantrum witch segued into attack on the cameraman

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My child is 15 months old and acts really happy sometimes but other times is miserable. I know she has a tooth coming in so maybe that’s it. But we just got back from a playgroup and it ALWAYS seems like she cries so much more than all of the other kids. I wonder if we’re doing something wrong or if that’s just her personality. My hubby and I are both pretty laid back, happy people. Anyway, I just worry sometimes that my child is unhappy or will be cranky when she gets older. We are both happy with her, singing songs, laughing, etc. I just want her to be happy and confident as she grows up. Am I overreacting, is this just normal “toddler stuff”?
That is just normal child stuff. At her age, the only way she can express herself for the most part is crying. They are also trying to understand emotions (a process that goes on for a long time). So toddlers get emotional and I guess some might say Bi-polar! All is normal, normal, normal Just wait until she turns 3 and starts realizing she can say “NO” and mean it!

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My 15 month old played around a huge gathering of children today at a play land type place. She soaked up information from screaming randomly at a restaurant (which she had never done before, and what do we do now?) to abruptly slamming herself on her bottom in the middle of the living room. HELP explain and offer suggestions for behavior modification of my little girl!
She’s pushing the envelope. You did it as a kid as well. Just be consistent. Show her love – EVERY TIME. Let her know, “Mommy does not like that! You will now sit without your toys for 5 minutes”. Or whatever seems to work. Then do it EVERY TIME. It’s called logical consequences.

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Yes. Babies like small children (their size and tone of voice) so it would make sense that a baby can learn from a toddler.

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To stop your toddler from hitting or biting:
Your best defense is prevention. When I would see a situation escalating to one where he’d typically bite or hit, I’d scoop him up and take him to another room to calm down or distract him before he got a chance to. I always held him facing out during these periods, to block his chompers from access to my shoulder.

It took about 1 week to stop it when he was 15 months old. But some months later it started again. And then it took another week to stop it. Then after he was 22 months old he stopped and we haven’t had trouble since.

Take action now an read the full article on how to stop my toddler from biting of hitting

You can read how to handle: When the child is upset, When he hit or bit, …

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Donna Amato of PARENTING magazine wrote a good article on How do you deal with gross toddler behavior?

It’s all about how to handle some less-than-lovely toddler behaviors.

Toddler behaviors like:

Refusing to bathe or wash hands

Why they do it: Let’s face it, getting dirty is fun and usually not a big deal. But when a child doesn’t care that he’s dirty and refuses to wash after using the toilet or before eating, it’s annoying – and sometimes even a health concern.

Refusing to bathe or wash hands

Why they do it: Let’s face it, getting dirty is fun and usually not a big deal. But when a child doesn’t care that he’s dirty and refuses to wash after using the toilet or before eating, it’s annoying – and sometimes even a health concern.

Refusing to bathe or wash hands

Why they do it: Let’s face it, getting dirty is fun and usually not a big deal. But when a child doesn’t care that he’s dirty and refuses to wash after using the toilet or before eating, it’s annoying – and sometimes even a health concern.

He explane how to deal with these situations. This article was Published on August 10, 2008. Read the full story on how to deal with gross toddler behavior

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My 2.5 year old boy attends a daycare with about 12 kids in his class. He had a buddy that he played with constantly and we all thought it was funny they were always hanging out together but now the staff there are making comments that they are too fixated on each other and when together they just act silly and disruptive so they are trying to separate them as much as possible but they said my little guy is always looking for his buddy and asking for him and if he’s not playing with him due to the teachers separating them, my little guy just stares at his buddy. They keep referring to his “fixation” and i’m beginning to get worried. I’m going to call management tomorrow to see if they are really concerned or if it’s just the caregivers makeing a deal out of typical toddler behavior. My little guy is an only child, LOVES people and playing. Any insight on this? No freaky and rude replies please. Just your experience in this? Thank you.
This is so normal. I would do just as you said and give the manager a call. The only reason I could see for separating them would be if one or both were doing something inappropriate.. which too would be indicitive of this age, lol. By them making such a big deal over it, they are only making the boys want to play together more. You might even be able to catch the other boys mom or dad and ask for a play date. This way you could both watch the boys and see if there is any cause for concern. But, I am with you on this one… I really get the impression that these two staff members are young, probably don’t have kids of their own yet and are just being – well – young and immature about the situation. Tell the manager that unless there is inappropriate behaviour, then the two boys need to be let alone. I have two boys that are years apart in age, and this was normal behaviour for both and now they are older and are just fine, lol. I hope this helped some!!! Good Luck!

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