By Chris J Thompson

For most parents, toddler behavior is a major issue at some point.  The “Terrible Twos” can often be just the beginning.  In this article I’d like to explain to you what I believe is the root cause of most behavior problems and how you can avoid such problems in your household.

Between about 18 month and 24 months, most children start to speak many words, but they understand much more than they can speak.  They know what they want, but they can’t express themselves with words very well.  When parents don’t respond as per the toddler’s unspoken wishes, the result can be a temper tantrum.  It’s a totally normal result, we all go through it, but it is something that you can learn to deal with to dramatically reduce these problems in your home.

The most important aspect of dealing with the terrible twos is communication.  Specifically, make sure that you are listening to your child.  If you don’t understand what he or she wants, simply pick up your child and say “show me”.  About half the time a tantrum is the result of your child wanting something and not getting it.  You might just not understand what your child wants and never thought to ask. Saying “show me” is an easy way to ask.  The other half of the time you ill have to deny your child something.

Perhaps little Sammy wants to play with your fine China.  Naturally, you wont’ let him.  But instead of saying “no”, I want to really encourage you to simply apply some distraction techniques.  When kids are 2 years old, they do not have strong attention spans.  So if your child wants something and you are about to say “no”, stop yourself.  Think about this instead:  Is your toddler old enough to actually understand the logic behind your answer?  Of course not!  So use distraction instead of logic.  Logic and 2-year-olds do not mix.  Stop wasting your time.

In summary, most toddler behavior issues can be solved by two things.  First, better listening by the parent.  If you listen instead of talk, you’ll get more information and be better equipped to solve your toddler’s problem.  Second, understand that logic is not your friend when it comes to the terrible twos. Logic isn’t going to really be useful to you until your child is about 4 years old, in my experience.  Instead of saying “no” to your children and attempting to explain why, just ignore the request completely and apply a much more appealing distraction.

Here is one distraction that I like to use:  If my daughter is trying to get her hands on something that I’d rather she left alone, I will often be successful by picking her up and applying several distractions to overwhelm her and cause her to forget what she was doing.  First, I’ll speak to her in a playful voice.  Then, I’ll tickle her.  Third, I’ll pick her up and carry her over to a window and mention something about the outside such as “Hey, do you see that furry squirrel on that tree”?  Then, I just plop her down in front of some other toys that she is allowed to play with.

When your children get to be a bit older, this simple distraction method may not work as well.  Luckily there are all kinds of language tricks that you can use to influence your kids to do what you want them to do.

To learn more about the language skills that will help you learn how to deal with toddlers check out my audio course “Talking to Toddlers” at http://TalkingToToddlers.com and make sure to sign up for the free audio lesson. Learn these tools. Reduce your parenting stress.

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By Gail Woods

For a parent, toddler behavior can be quite traumatic. It can also be a lot of fun.

From the moment your toddler takes his first steps and utters his first words, it would appear as if a catastrophe in human form has been unleashed.

Undaunted he will drag heavy chairs around and climb them to get at those high cupboards where the poisons are stored. Holes will be plugged with little fingers. If an object can be shoved into his mouth to be tasted and chewed, then in it goes. Drawers and cupboards will be emptied and refilled over and over again. Food will be squished and spread everywhere with great delight.

Try stopping him from investigating his little world and he will scream blue murder. When his food or juice is not ready at just the moment he decides he is hungry or thirsty then he will whine until you are ready to throw him out with the rubbish.

Forget trying to get him to share a toy (or anything else for that matter) with another child or sibling. As far as he is concerned it is just not going to happen.

Sounds awful doesn’t it? Actually, it needn’t be all that bad. Try looking at the problem from your toddlers perspective.

There he is and there are all those wonderful and exciting things everywhere around him. He needs to discover. He needs to experiment. But, he can’t speak adequately so he can’t ask. He is unable to understand you properly when you talk to him. He is however a great mimic. Good and bad toddler behavior depends a lot on you. If he sees you doing something, or hears you say something, then sooner or later he will try to do or say it as well.

You plug in the vacuum cleaner, or take tablets, or smear cream on your face or use a swear word – so why can’t he?

You need to constantly divert his attention away from what you are doing – so that he does not try to do it as well.

When you are cooking, how about giving him a little bowl of bread mixed with water or milk to stir with a spoon or squish with his fingers. Sure he will gleefully make a mess, but he won’t be trying to drag that boiling pot off the stove to see what is in it.

Need to clean windows? Wonderful! A small bucket of soapy water with a little bit of vinegar plus a pair of cotton socks (one sock on each hand) and he can wash the bottom of the windows while you work down from the top. At the same time chat or sing to him.

He will be having so much fun, that he is unlikely to wander off and get into mischief and you can get that much needed job done in record time.

How do you cope with his sudden decision that he wants to eat or drink – right now! Try putting a low plastic table in a corner somewhere that is just for him. Make sure there is always a bottle or sippy cup of juice or water available for him to take whenever he wants or needs it. You might even add a small plate of healthy finger foods from time to time.

Come dinner time tonight, dish up an extra plate of food in a plastic plate, cover and freeze for future use – so that if you are caught short and his food is not ready in time then you can whip out one of the frozen meals and warm it up in just a few minutes. He doesn’t have long to wait and you don’t have to put up with a half hour of screaming and whining.

Of course he is going to yell NO! When he doesn’t want to do something, (besides he no doubt hears you use the word often enough) but consider this … he is also learning to say no to his peers in years to come when they try to persuade him to do something that SHOULDN’T be done.

Try to avoid using the word “no” whenever possible. Find an alternative and explanatory word such as “danger” when he is about to stick his finger in the electrical socket, or you catch him with a sharp object. He will soon cotton on.

When toddler behavior threatens to drive you to madness, all you need to do is find interesting ways to divert his attention and allow him to investigate, explore and experience his world.

To learn more about dealing with temper tantrums, teaching your toddler to share and even teaching him how to do chores willingly, as well as dealing with other behavior problems in children click on the link below.

http://toddlerbehavior.parentingupdate.com/wordpress/

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