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Naomi Aldort, Author of Raising Our Children, Raising Ourselves. Keynote on how to raise children who are emotionally powerful and self-reliant.

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1. Are they too soft on the disciplinary methods?
2. Are the children threatening abuse from authorities?
3. How can this improve when reports from schools are getting worse eg smoking, drugs, teenage pregnacies, abortions, gang fights, theft,prostitution,porn addiction, gambling, addictive gamming?
Apollyon- your answer definately shows it matches you. Thks for your open mindedness – probably if open too wide may cause everything to drop out.

I’m fourteen, so keep in mind that this is from the perspective of someone who is still in school. Perhaps that’s what you need.

1. Are they too soft? Yeah, in a way, they are.
When I was in elementary school, I was always ashamed and afraid of being looked at wrong by a teacher, let alone scolded. That was enough to keep me in line, because it was embarassing to get in trouble at that age (almost everyone wants to be the “good noodle”).

However, today, after going through middle school and being in my first year of high school, I’ll tell you that scoldings, detentions, and suspensions are rather a reward than a punishment in the social atmosphere. Kids who get scolded just laugh and gossip about how unreasonable the teacher is later, no matter how slanted that may be (and generally, the other student listening has no objections, because that’s the fashionable attitude). Getting a detention is a fantastic conversational piece, and a suspension more or less only earns respect from the student body. In school, at least, it is a lot more constructive than destructive to get in trouble.

2. Hm. I would say some could be, but I wouldn’t generalize that all children do. There’s a lot of exaggeration amongst my peers, I know. However, if I did something wrong in school or at home and someone ran by and smacked my ass, I would not respond well; I would get angry. And though adults may not think that’s necessarily a correct reaction on my behalf, and that “if it hurt enough, the kid would stop”, it really doesn’t matter. The effectiveness is what matters, not how we “should” respond; we respond the way we respond– simple as that.
(I assumed you’re talking about hitting. What else would qualify as abuse? Emotional abuse is absolutely untolerated.)

3. How can we improve? That’s a very good question.
Honestly, a lot of it comes from home. If there’s a troubled home, there’s either an over-achiever, or a troubled kid. Trouble itself could range anywhere from parents that don’t listen to parents that abuse; whatever makes the kid feel small and in need of rebelling or not listening. Lack of discipline might also qualify for something like teenage pregnancies, I would think.

I know that smoking and drugs is more or less established within a clique of kids in MY school, so that’s more of a social outlet (kids might also do it to rebel or look cool).

Teenage pregnancies usually, from what I see, are a result of misunderstanding. Girls think they’re in love. They have sex. What can you do? They THINK they are in love and they think that this man– the father– is the one. Abortions come from pregnancies.

Gang fights come from the social atmosphere; who you don’t like, you just want to “beat on”. Assholes beat up assholes, or victims beat up assholes, or assholes beat up victims. I would think lots of this influence comes from home.

Gambling and addictive gaming come from boredom, I would think.

I hope this helps. I’m being totally honest, here.

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